Missing Demeter...

I miss the still of the silence...

I remember standing at the window and just staring out at the lights before going to bed. Sometimes i would open the window and feel the cool air while looking out. I don't know why, but it was generally raining or at least cloudy and grey. Whether it was a flat bed, or a really rigid couch, it was the most comfortable place i could imagine. It was a wonderful house, full of great memories, and great people. Scraping up a rotten pumpkin with your grandma while your mom was sick. Failed banana pancakes, chocolate muffins, pizza pockets, and leftover Chinese food. Getting up early, driving to work, setting up stations, pouring cedar oil, fed ex deliveries. cleaning up the wax, dropping at least one of every color, cutting up gross things, making Starbucks runs (lightning fast), and cutting up even more disgusting things. Reading Ironside, listening to political nonsense, hearing new gossip, drawing tattoos, and getting kicked out. Watching Across the Universe, dinners with Dr. Nightmare (still not over the political one), and a perfect ping-pong record. Campfire in Tracy, a mean (albeit funny) prank, sugar cookies, cider, a night walk, shared swings, and being unfit for service. More than enough time in the bathroom getting ready, the whistle of the box opening, picking colors and waiting for straighteners to heat up. Somehow the keys were always lost, even though there were a thousand key chains on it. The purse ripping, the midnight showing, the diseased cushion as a souvenir. Asian lettuce wraps, recording memories, and the failed gangsta pose. Hours of driving, endless train rides, released convicts, a crazy hugging woman, Madera, Merced, Turlock, conversations with Teddy. Tenacious D, Avril, Hammer time, traffic jams, missed trains, dinner with the family. Wendy's, headaches, spare bedroom, Borders, star gazing, playground, following the stream, dance party on the stage, being locked in and bribing the clean up crew, getting lost and driving to the 99. Sushi, edamame, poker, going out drinking (if it werent for a headache). Dove Dark Chocolate and Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Falling asleep to SFK, and I stole your luck. I hold on to these memories, and rememeber all the fun. I had a wonderful time with you, and I'm sorry that it didnt work out in the end. I hope I didnt hurt you, and I hope you can forgive me if I did. Your family was so nice to me, and everyone was wonderful. I really am thankful for everything that happened, because it was exactly what I wanted and needed. I wish we talked, and I wish it wouldnt be a problem, but I understand why it would be. I hope everything works out perfectly for you, and I hope DC is everything you deserve. I want you to know that you deserve the best, and that I was and am not that, and for that I'm sorry.