Never Go to Sleep Angry...

...or at least that's what they say.

Its probably good advice for most, but some people need the time to clear their heads and begin to think more logically instead of with anger and contempt. Perception is everything in a situation, one side may see it as a rational conversation detached from emotion, while the other sees it as emotionally charged. It may seem as though it was an innocent observation through self reflection, but it can be read as a criticism of the other person. To out of the blue tell someone that you're having trouble figuring out how to keep the spark alive, but then attempt to tell that person that it has nothing to do with the relationship you have with them, it seems a little suspect. What would be the need of dissecting a dead relationship or many dead relationships, while you're currently in a young relationship that you have already called "different" than any previous. If it is so very different, then no matter what the experience is, it does not prepare you for the new situations. It would be a lot like creating a recipe. You have created recipes before and you know what ingredients it takes to make those, but its like using the old recipes when handed completely different ingredients. Truly great recipes are made when you find the way to make an ingredient shine on its own, yet compliment every other ingredient on that plate. Enough with the food references and this all together.

Trust is something to be earned, something to be gained, but when one side is putting complete trust in the other and not receiving an equal amount in return, it can lead to a shaky foundation. (yeah, building references now...) I understand that trust may take time to build, but there is an expectation of progress. If progress is stagnant for too long, it would give an air of hoplessness. Time is not an arguement in this case, if time was truly a factor, "you and I" would not have become an "us" so soon. Then again, maybe that is the issue, if things had progressed slower, you may have come to realize that this is not what you want and avoided it before it became a problem or even that you wouldve come to a point of trust before there was an expectation of it. You once said that you felt you had said and done things too soon, and sometimes i wonder if you were actually referring to the present and not the past. Is there hope that one day you will actually trust me, or are you trudging on in hopes that you will reach the point of trusting me, or has it gotten to the point that you realized you made a mistake and now you are pulling back enough that it just disintegrates on its own?

I guess it all goes back to differing perspectives, to feel as though your feelings are not being respected, while not respecting someone else's seems a little contradictory. I understand that I was wrong for sending you that text, and I admit that I did it maliciously and out of anger. It isn't excusable, but Newton's third law states it best "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." (I'm amazed, I've incorporated cooking, building, and physics all in the same blog.) This may only be a law of physics for determining forces and the like, it has a real ability to predict human nature. Just know that i was not the only one out of line last night.

/rant

All of this has been effectively talked out and solved, and I harbor no feelings of resentment, it was more out of backward reflection that all of this was written. No matter what, I Love You, and i cant wait until i see you in just over five hours to wish you a safe and fun trip. But right now, i need to write out Mar's card so that it is done before you show up.