Missing Demeter...

I miss the still of the silence...

I remember standing at the window and just staring out at the lights before going to bed. Sometimes i would open the window and feel the cool air while looking out. I don't know why, but it was generally raining or at least cloudy and grey. Whether it was a flat bed, or a really rigid couch, it was the most comfortable place i could imagine. It was a wonderful house, full of great memories, and great people. Scraping up a rotten pumpkin with your grandma while your mom was sick. Failed banana pancakes, chocolate muffins, pizza pockets, and leftover Chinese food. Getting up early, driving to work, setting up stations, pouring cedar oil, fed ex deliveries. cleaning up the wax, dropping at least one of every color, cutting up gross things, making Starbucks runs (lightning fast), and cutting up even more disgusting things. Reading Ironside, listening to political nonsense, hearing new gossip, drawing tattoos, and getting kicked out. Watching Across the Universe, dinners with Dr. Nightmare (still not over the political one), and a perfect ping-pong record. Campfire in Tracy, a mean (albeit funny) prank, sugar cookies, cider, a night walk, shared swings, and being unfit for service. More than enough time in the bathroom getting ready, the whistle of the box opening, picking colors and waiting for straighteners to heat up. Somehow the keys were always lost, even though there were a thousand key chains on it. The purse ripping, the midnight showing, the diseased cushion as a souvenir. Asian lettuce wraps, recording memories, and the failed gangsta pose. Hours of driving, endless train rides, released convicts, a crazy hugging woman, Madera, Merced, Turlock, conversations with Teddy. Tenacious D, Avril, Hammer time, traffic jams, missed trains, dinner with the family. Wendy's, headaches, spare bedroom, Borders, star gazing, playground, following the stream, dance party on the stage, being locked in and bribing the clean up crew, getting lost and driving to the 99. Sushi, edamame, poker, going out drinking (if it werent for a headache). Dove Dark Chocolate and Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Falling asleep to SFK, and I stole your luck. I hold on to these memories, and rememeber all the fun. I had a wonderful time with you, and I'm sorry that it didnt work out in the end. I hope I didnt hurt you, and I hope you can forgive me if I did. Your family was so nice to me, and everyone was wonderful. I really am thankful for everything that happened, because it was exactly what I wanted and needed. I wish we talked, and I wish it wouldnt be a problem, but I understand why it would be. I hope everything works out perfectly for you, and I hope DC is everything you deserve. I want you to know that you deserve the best, and that I was and am not that, and for that I'm sorry.

Leap of Faith

I think this may actually be the most controversial thing I ever say in this blog, but I just watched a movie that opened my eyes to something I've never seen before. I just finished watching Leap of Faith starring Steve Martin from the way back year of 1992. It is the story of a faith healer and his troupe of con-men, showing some of the backstage acts and how they create these "miracles." Now up until tonight, every time I saw Peter Popoff, Benny Hinn, or Don Stewart, my immediate reaction was "Satan." Not only do they resemble how you could conceivably picture Satan, but that they willingly trick and deceive people out of their money and belongings by faking miracles and wonderful sights. No more will I actually see them this way though, the movie really made me see something totally different about it, and in the end, one question remains. Does the end justify the means? These faith healers reach millions of people at a time, every time their infomercials come on, and every time they hold events in every city they visit. By seeing what they believe to be a miracle, millions of people find faith and religion because of it, and may contribute the the numbers of saved individuals. Now, what separates a Faith Healer from a Minister, a Priest, or a Pastor? I think the answer is very slight, in the end, all churches use separate means of deception, and I don't think that there really is one single guiltless church body in existence. In every body, there will be disagreement between each other, the Catholics will be molesters and condemners, the SDAs will be a cult, and the Mormons will be the ones that use their own story in their own book. The questions is: is it wrong to show something untrue to people, when you know that it will inspire faith? Now, I'm not saying that Popoff, Hinn, Stewart, or any other crooked church leaders are good people, because they profit greatly from all of these people that believe in them. But if you were to do this as a non-profit organization, would it be wrong? To put on a show, where you have inspirational music, where you show people the joys of what could happen with faith (because anything is possible with the Lord), and you make no promises of real miracles, but instead make it more like a play/skit/act, would it be right? Would you have to announce that no real miracles will be performed, to make it right? Or does the end (a multitude of new believers) justify the means (a show of "miracles" or the use of fear or claims of the truth)?

The CCC of the CCC

Barney and I have come up with an idea and a general plan for the newest adventure we will be embarking on. Even though it shouldn't be called the Collage of Collegians in Churches of the Central California Conference, its all I have come up with at the moment, and as you will see very soon, I feel like making abbreviations. We will (as you may have surmised from the title) be creating a collegiate group that has no singular ties to any church, but instead is a collage (or melting pot, depending on what you would prefer to call it) of all the area churches. We also are just the ones beginning and organizing this, we are not the leaders, because we don't want it to be a Leader/follower relationship, but a group of friends that can meet together and study the bible together, and find truth based on what they find instead of what they are told. We are just beginning the planning process and haven't formed anything solid yet, but we will be having a brainstorming session to get as many details as possible down. As reluctant as I feel about this idea, I don't think I can deny the idea anymore. The sign from the Big Guy Upstairs has been given and its has become an undeniable requirement to start this up. After this past church service, Tyrone and I were standing in the parking lot with The Red Baron and her friend 30 Credits, when we noticed a few people we had never seen before and wondered about. 12 seconds later, the guy we had seen and wondered about had approached us and asked, "Do you guys have an older youth group that does anything together?" Clear enough for you? I don't think it gets any clearer to me.

This has also inspired another idea that i will credit to Barney, but has been improved by my own brain. There was a movement in the Nerdfighter circles called BEDA, which stands for Blog Every Day, April. It was started by the author Maureen Johnson and quickly caught fire. In the spirit of this, I have taken the idea Barney gave me which was to wake up every morning and do a solo bible study for a week, and turn it into BSEMM or Bible Study Every Morning, May, starting on the 4th, but if I make it all the way through May, then I may end up HayleyGHoover-ing and making it BSEMEA (Bible Study Every Morning Ever Almost). This idea was spawned by the need of strengthening our own faith before attempting to help strengthen other's faith. So thats the Dizzle for Rizzle, it has been writ and therefore I must accomplish it or have to admit that I failed.

Idear

This commercial really inspired an idea in me, and its amazing that a 30 second commercial and do that to someone (the fact that i cant wait to be the person that creates that inspiration in another is a whole different blog). If you really think about this commercial, it would be great to have this green line for every aspect of our lives. Now, if this line led you in the right way every time, and never led you to making a mistake, it would make a new question appear. If you knew how to never make a mistake and go through life following this line, would you? If you never made mistakes, then all of your ex-mates would be gone, so while you may not have experienced heart-break, you also wouldnt have experienced all the fun, joy, and rush of emotion that came with being attached to them. You also would lose all things that you learned about with or because of them, you would lose the clothes that you found with them, and the places youve seen and visited together. It is possible that you would have found these on your own, but its more likely that you wouldn't. This would also eliminate all of the adventures that you had with your friends that got you into any level of trouble (be it legal or just parental) and all situations that could get you in trouble (that you may have narrowly escaped getting in trouble for). The commercial also shows that you are free to walk away from this line whenever you want, and the line will still show you where you should be, but it doesnt show you what happens if you make a mistake by wandering from the line. It may be as easy as those GPS voices saying "Recalculating," or it may not alter your path at all, and just be the line that from that moment foreward has determined how to get there and there is only one path to it whether you stray and come back or never leave it at all. Its easier to say the second would be most likely, and creates a better scenario to talk about. Now knowing that straying from the path, and the path would continue as if nothing ever happened, would you want that path to lead you? Would it make it easier to keep on the right track, and would you still stray from it, knowing it wasnt the right thing to do? There is only one problem to think about with this path, can you stray so much for so long, that you lose sight of that path, and what if you want to go back to it?